Currahee! Or a Guide to Practical Gardening

How's your 2003 been so far? Me, I don't think I've ever had a less productive year. I've slept until noon, I've sat on the couch, I've eaten, I've watched some TV...and that's the grand total of my activities for this year. I sure hope today's not an indication of the twelve months to come.

New Year's resolutions impress me, so I've decided to come up with a few on my own. Ten, to be more precise. Ten resolutions. Like Commandments, except less harsh (and less Kosher). Here, conveniently enough, they are:

1. To quit smoking. Since I don't smoke, this is an easy win. 1-0 in my favour.
2. To keep whining about every lame thing that happens in my life on this website. Another slam-dunk. 2-0.
3. To eat breakfast. Breakfast is the Most Important Meal of the Day (or the 'Mimotd'), and I intend to eat at least one (1) breakfast this year, so that's another point to the Ragster. 3-0.
4. To visit New York City at least once. I haven't been back in a long while. Since I've got twelve (12) months to do it in, it shouldn't be too hard to pull off, so I'm giving myself another point. 4-0. Things are going smoooth.
5. To gain weight. Since everyone and their mother's New Year's resolutions list 'to lose weight' as the number one Thing To Do in 2003, I thought I'd go the other way - to buck the trend, if you will. It's a lot easier to gain weight than to lose it. I'm guaranteed success. 5-0.
6. To look forward to The Return of the King. Again, I think I'll be able to pull this one off no problem (or 'no problemo', as the Mexicans say). So I'm forecasting a point, giving me a certified 6-0. Boo-ya!
7. To learn how to play an instrument. I started off really well, an ocean of time ago, with the piano...but we didn't agree, the piano and me, and it wasn't to be. So I moved on. To the trombone. A ridiculous instrument. Any instrument that needs to be drained for spit, and which contains a valve to do so with, just ain't right. So we split. I think she's better off without me, in the hands of a man who can play her for what she's worth (not much). But now, in my golden years, I've come to realise that I need an instrument in my life before it's too late, before I've grown to frail to play her- I mean, it. So - an instrument, then. Probably the guitar. I'll learn to play the guitar. This one's a little shaky, but I'll give myself the benefit of a doubt: 7-0.
8. To floss my teeth. I've been a baaad boy this past year (also known as '2002'), so it's time to pull out that irritating piece of waxed white string again. Irritating, but not particularly challenging. 8-0.
9. To write more. Writers write. That's a simple truth. Although I'm primarily a writer, I don't write enough (currently) during the day - other duties often take precedence - so I need to write more in my "spare time". Simply put: Less slacking off, more hard work. This one's a no-brainer. I really have no choice. 9-0.
10. And - ta-da! - number ten? Well, I've got to have some secrets, don't I? No, it's not "To play with myself less", or "To have a sex-change operation". But I really can't tell, because I probably won't be able to keep it. I'll tell you next January...if I manage to discipline myself. Promise.  ¶ 19:27