I want to wake up tomorrow and read this story in the trades:

Woody Allen to star in, direct fourth Alien flick

Independent director Woody Allen announced today that for his next movie, the 'Spring Project 2003', he'll be tackling a franchise in desperate need of a shot in the arm - Fox's moribund Alien series.

The first Alien movie - directed by Ridley Scott and released in 1979 - was a critical and commercial hit, and it was followed in 1986 by blockbuster sequel Aliens, written and directed by a pre-Titanic James Cameron. The third movie in the franchise, Alien3, tanked at the box office when it was released in 1992 - this time directed by freshman David Fincher. In 1997, the fourth movie - Alien: Resurrection, another box-office dud - nearly killed off the franchise. French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet was considered a ill-conceived match for the material, and a fifth movie appeared unlikely to take off.

That was until Woody Allen approached Fox with a script that insiders have described as "thoughtful" and "kinda funny".

"The central idea of these very Germanic aliens, outfitted in Gestapo-type body armor, terrorising a spaceship filled with argumentative, liberal intellectuals is very much in tune with my own sensibilities," said a visibly excited Allen at the New York City press-conference this morning. "It's a bit of a departure for me, I agree, what with the special effects and the stereo sound, but frankly, after Hollywood Ending, we all agreed that it was the right step to take."

A tentative cast includes long-time Allen favourites Alan Alda and Diane Keaton, as well as Allen himself, who will be playing the protagonist - a neurotic, New York-born space marine rabbi married to a too-young nurse (rumoured to be played by Britney Spears). While Allen's ex-wife Mia Farrow won't be directly participating in the production, it's believed that CGI artists will use her likeness when constructing a new alien queen for the climatic showdown.

The $100 million production begins shooting in the Big Apple early next year, and will be released by Fox in the summer of 2004.

"This is a tentpole movie for us," said Tom Rothman, Chairman of Fox Filmed Entertainment to Variety. "I think Woody's the perfect director to bring the Alien franchise into a new millennium, and his obvious box-office appeal is guaranteed to carry this flick beyond $200 million...at least. I mean, who doesn't want to see aliens in therapy? I know I do!"  ¶ 02:28