Men in cars are dangerous creatures, bound by ancient, primal instincts that go back millions of years.

I am, of course, a man. No changes there, nope, no sirree. I like a warm pint of Guinness, a smelly Cuban (cigar, not person), and a good, honest game of strip solitaire. Well, no, I actually don't much enjoy any of those things, but that's beside the point. I'm still a man. Also, I drive. And that's why I can speak about this topic with some authority.

If a man in a car is driving slowly (for some reason or other -- by definition, men don't like to drive slowly, but sometimes they have to, especially if there is a woman in the car), and another man in a car (or, for that sake, a woman: I don't discriminate) tries to pass him, the first man will automatically speed up, even when it's obvious that doing so is detrimental to the health of both individuals. Passing a man in a car, then, often becomes a desperate race against time and distance, as both cars, driving in parallel, speed towards the inevitable curve or dip in the road.

Eventually, the second car will pass the first car, after which the man in the first car will speed up to keep apace with the second car. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the man at his primitive worst.

You see, in ancient times, a male who was defeated in any kind of contest -- and men, stupidly enough, consider even driving to work a form of contest -- would find himself subject to ridicule, he'd suffer the loss of prestige and power, he'd be denied female companionship, and he might be excluded, perhaps even exiled, from the tribe. In other words, every day, every deed, every lousy little incident was a contest between males to prove themselves to each other and to the females.

Instinct is a powerful thing, then. Even today, when faced with a potentially competitive situation, most men will instinctively try to gain the upper hand. What does this tell us about modern society, and about the progress made in the last ten thousand years? What fundamental truths might we uncover if we--

All right, so I'm just pissed off at this one guy this morning who was driving really slowly -- 60 kph in an 80 zone -- and who increased his speed dramatically the moment I tried to pass him. Bastard.

I could say Men...but that would sound very, very strange.  ¶ 12:06