Late. Very late. Dog tired. But I can't, for the life of me, get to sleep. So I've migrated to my computer where my cat, somewhat mockingly, has gone to sleep wedged between my keyboard and the monitor.

That higher intellect and those opposable thumbs...quite useless when you get down to it, aren't they?

Right. Now, I'm guessing you've all learned about my Next Big Thing, and if you haven't...well, you're missing out on all the excitement, then, aren't you? Yes you are. If you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, check out the front page -- there's enough linkage going on there to fill in all the blanks. If you already know everything there is to know about my Next Big Thing, I won't bore you with the details. That's not what I wanted to talk about.

See, it's always kind of an anti-climax to finally reveal what you've been working on. You've been keeping it secret for so long, it's grown bloated and heavy in your head. And when you let it out -- though it's still pretty great and cool and exciting -- it tends to sink to the ground a lot quicker than you'd hoped or wished for...and then there are no secrets anymore. Now there's just lots and lots of work. Fun work, certainly, but some of the air's gone out of the balloon.

Ah, but see? I got you fooled, now. Because being able to reveal Midgard to the world at large...it's inflated my proverbial balloon -- let's call it a dirigible; that word's not being used nearly enough, and I kinda feel sorry for it -- and I'm just elated to see all the positive attention the game is getting, even this early in the, uh, game. It's actually frustrating to work in the blind, and this past week I've been more inspired than I have been in a very, very long time.

Which is a good thing. A Very Good Thing, actually.

So this is me in a good mood...tired, but happy. Very tired, to be honest. I really have to try to go to sleep. Now.  ¶ 01:55   

  Saturday. Sunny & hot. Summer has arrived. And I'm cooped up in the office.

It's just not fair. And it's really hard to feel inspired when, by all rights, I should be outside, sitting in the sun, cool drink in one hand, Nick Hornsby's latest novel in the other, feet up, pretty girls walking by. See, that's where I'm supposed to be. Not here. Not in front of a monitor.

Still, there's a reason I'm cooped up like your common jailbird. Tuesday, I'm off to E3 and by that time I need to be prepared. Cause I'm gonna talk about a game. A secret game. Which, come Thursday, won't be so secret anymore. So keep your eyes peeled for that one. It's gonna be pretty cool, I promise.  ¶ 16:59   

  I'm sure you know the feeling.

You're in a rut. You're not inspired. You feel like there's no point to any of it. You're just sick and tired of the whole merry-go-round. There's absolutely no hope. Oh God, life is just awful, please...someone, anyone, put a bullet in my head.

And then it happens.

You see something or hear something or feel something that reawakens your soul. It could be a piece of music, a phone-call, a billboard you pass by in your car on your way to work. Or it could be a movie.

In my case, it was a movie. It often is. Movies -- films -- have the ability to touch me in a special way, and I'm not talking about the special way of touching that gets people thrown in jail: I'm talking about a deeply emotional kick in the groin, an eye-opener, a visit from a celluloid muse.

My ennui was affecting my work. I wasn't creating anything to be particularly proud of. I lacked focus. And while this particular movie wasn't what you'd call a miracle-cure -- a final analysis of its impact is still forthcoming -- it certainly allowed me to better understand what I was doing and where I was going with my current project.

The movie in question is called Mononoke Hime (Princess Mononoke in English), and it's a Japanese anime -- an animated film -- written and directed by Hayao Miyazaki. Mononoke is a mythical parable about man and nature, and it is stunningly beautiful in so many ways; the animation and art design is, naturally, fantastic, but it was the story and the characters that caused such a strong emotional response in me. This is not a review, so I won't go into the specifics of the plot, but it does touch on a lot of the themes that I try to explore in my own work...but so much better, of course, and with such deceptive simplicity that I was left simply awestruck at the end.

I can heartily recommend this movie to anyone: kids, adult, men, and women. It's definitely nothing like a Disney-movie -- don't get me wrong, I love Disney, but Mononoke is a grown-up story...one that kids will enjoy, but they'll miss out on a lot of the subtext and themes that make this movie a true work of art. Mononoke Hime is based in part on Japanese folklore, and it should be watched in Japanese with English subtitles -- the English-dubbed soundtrack is decent enough, but do yourself a favour and listen to the original actors...the way the director intended.

And maybe, just maybe, you'll find some inspiration from an unlikely source.

Good night.  ¶ 23:22   

  You'd think I could do better than this. Apparently I was wrong.

My last Edgewise entry was on January 29th of this year, and, according to my amazing calculatronic brain (I know that's not a word, but it sounded pretty impressive to my, uh, double-digitted IQ), that's like three months ago or sumpthin. And that is a good long while, that is. Oh no!

Conclusion? I'm lazy. Or...so you'd think! But that's just waaay too easy, and we've all watched Jessica Fletcher strut her Murder She Wrote stuff time and again on our carefully alphabetised video-tapes (worn thin by the constant freeze-framing of Angela Lansbury's ample...talents -- you thought I'd write 'assets', didn't you?), so both you and I know perfectly well that the easy answer is never the correct answer.

The correct answer is: I haven't had anything to write about. No, seriously. My life is just mind-numbingly dull. Dull, dull, dull. And the few morsels of informative goodness that I might have wanted to share with you people -- the only morsels worth the effort, quite honestly -- I'm not allowed to tell. Such is the burden of gag-orders.

See, I haven't been sitting on my arse these past few months. I've been busy. (Although I have also been sitting on my arse quite a lot, obviously. I mean, for God's sake, take a look at me bleedin arse!) I've been working on this and that, including a new game, a book, and, uh, other stuff. But I can't talk about any of it. Honestly, I can't. And it's so bloody dull to just drone on and on, yada-yada-yada, about my tediously dreary existence without being able to spice it up with some of these aforementioned morsels of yummy goodness.

I could try to wax on philosophically about something or other, but I've realised that this obviously is not my forte. My forte is using unnecessarily pretentious words like 'forte' with no mind to the terrifying consequences and the lasting damage done to the young whippersnappers. Picture a world where kids spew forth verbal bile like 'forte' and 'fortuitous' (see, I only got as far as the letter 'F' in the dictionary) on a daily basis; to their parents, their friends, and their teachers -- a hellish, hellish picture, isn't it? Thank God for the less pretentious F-words like 'fudge', and 'freaky' and that other one. Thank God in heaven.

Anyway. E3 is coming up in a few weeks -- the Electronic Entertainment Expo -- in Los Angeles, and I'll be there. If you happen to be there too, then Hurray! What fun! Tally-ho and All That Jazz! Please; do pay a visit to the Funcom stand (it's pretty big this year -- you ought to be able to find it -- it's got the letters 'FUNCOM' all over it, conveniently enough) and say Hullo! Our code word will be 'YouAreMyPersonalGod', and please; say it loudly, so that I can hear you. I'll even let you buy me a pint of lager. (If I'm around, that is.) Point is, during E3 the veil will fall and the future will be as clear as really, really clear crystal. In other words, I'll be able to talk about the Secret Thingies.

Isn't life just brilliantly exciting sometimes?

Cheers.  ¶ 00:48