Okay, this entry is a day late, but better late than red, right? Right? Oh, whatever.
Anyways, here we go:
"Committing Adultery: A Harrowing Tale of Seduction"
by Me
You all know it's a sin to cheat on your SO -- your significant other -- but have you ever cheated on your OS? I just did, and I barely survived to tell the tale. I know I'll never do it again, but be that as it may, my OS may never take me back, may never respect or trust me again.
It all began when a friend handed me a shiny new disc labelled "Windows XP". Now, I've been running Windows ME both at home and at the office since that OS was released, and it's worked perfectly. Know how people love to knock Microsoft products? I'm the opposite. I never have any trouble with MS products, and my upgrades -- from DOS, through Windows 3.1, 95, 98, 98 SE, and ME -- have gone flawlessly, and in every case the upgrade was worth it. My system(s) worked faster, were more stable, better looking, and simply tuned to perfection.
My relationship with ME was, in other words, a harmonious one. We never fought. ME loved me. ME tended to my every need in an efficient and immediate manner. ME provided me with stable Internet access. ME started up in under five seconds, and shut down in one.
If a man could marry an OS, I'd have married Windows ME.
And then this new tart, this attractive young thing, this Windows XP, comes swaggering along, swinging its ample hips, displaying its, uh, ample bosom, blowing kisses my way...and I fall in love. It's not real love, not like with ME, but it awakens the beast in me. I want her...uh, I mean
it. I want it on my system, now, immediately, not tomorrow, not in four months, but
now.
So. I bring XP with me home (because lusty though I may be, I'm not stupid enough to flaunt my affair in the face of all my co-workers), and even though I'm feeling under the weather, I stay up past midnight while my shiny new OS installs.
It takes a long while. A long, long while. It takes, in fact, almost two hours.
When XP finally boots up, I soon learn that I've made a rash and rather idiotic decision. I've let my attraction for shiny new things guide me down a blind alley and into the arms of a mugger. But, see, I kind of deserve all this. Because: a) this wasn't my Beta copy, it's a copy of a Beta copy (and I expect the FBI to come knocking on my door any minute now), and b) the installation told me when I first started that my ISDN card wasn't compatible with its drivers.
But I went ahead with the upgrade anyway. Stupid me.
So when I boot up XP I realise the following:
1) Windows XP will only work for 14 days, at which point it will either need to be authorised (i.e. impossible, since this isn't my Beta copy, and it cannot be authorised), or removed from the system. Thanks for telling me
now.
and
2) While I get my ISDN card to work, my normal Internet connection won't connect, and I'm forced to use a slow and expensive one that doesn't let me access my work-files.
Windows ME was kind to me; it never gave me trouble (not that I can remember, although time has a way of erasing old wounds; I'm sure that at this point next year I'll be shacked up with Windows XP, enjoying its many...joys, and praising its virtues to all who care to listen), and it certainly didn't demand authorisation. I mean, for God's sake, what's an honest software thief to do? Oh, hey, not "thief": a loveable rogue who just wanted to see what Microsoft had in wait for me, because I love them sooo, and I couldn't wait until October.
Except now I'm not sure I ever want to upgrade. See, ME might have been a plain looker in comparison. ME might not be as pretty or as smart or as (potentially) quick-witted as XP. But my relationship with ME was tried and tested. We had an understanding. We shared a deep and powerful love.
And now I've wasted that love.
I'm going to go back to ME, but it'll take a while for the wounds to heal. I have to reformat my hard-disk, find out where I put ME last (yes, I'm a negligent partner), and then spend the time needed to arrange everything the way it was...and that's going to take a long, long time.
Still, ME deserves it. I've committed adultery with another OS, and now I have to pay for my crimes.
