You'd think I could do better than this. Apparently I was wrong.

My last Edgewise entry was on January 29th of this year, and, according to my amazing calculatronic brain (I know that's not a word, but it sounded pretty impressive to my, uh, double-digitted IQ), that's like three months ago or sumpthin. And that is a good long while, that is. Oh no!

Conclusion? I'm lazy. Or...so you'd think! But that's just waaay too easy, and we've all watched Jessica Fletcher strut her Murder She Wrote stuff time and again on our carefully alphabetised video-tapes (worn thin by the constant freeze-framing of Angela Lansbury's ample...talents -- you thought I'd write 'assets', didn't you?), so both you and I know perfectly well that the easy answer is never the correct answer.

The correct answer is: I haven't had anything to write about. No, seriously. My life is just mind-numbingly dull. Dull, dull, dull. And the few morsels of informative goodness that I might have wanted to share with you people -- the only morsels worth the effort, quite honestly -- I'm not allowed to tell. Such is the burden of gag-orders.

See, I haven't been sitting on my arse these past few months. I've been busy. (Although I have also been sitting on my arse quite a lot, obviously. I mean, for God's sake, take a look at me bleedin arse!) I've been working on this and that, including a new game, a book, and, uh, other stuff. But I can't talk about any of it. Honestly, I can't. And it's so bloody dull to just drone on and on, yada-yada-yada, about my tediously dreary existence without being able to spice it up with some of these aforementioned morsels of yummy goodness.

I could try to wax on philosophically about something or other, but I've realised that this obviously is not my forte. My forte is using unnecessarily pretentious words like 'forte' with no mind to the terrifying consequences and the lasting damage done to the young whippersnappers. Picture a world where kids spew forth verbal bile like 'forte' and 'fortuitous' (see, I only got as far as the letter 'F' in the dictionary) on a daily basis; to their parents, their friends, and their teachers -- a hellish, hellish picture, isn't it? Thank God for the less pretentious F-words like 'fudge', and 'freaky' and that other one. Thank God in heaven.

Anyway. E3 is coming up in a few weeks -- the Electronic Entertainment Expo -- in Los Angeles, and I'll be there. If you happen to be there too, then Hurray! What fun! Tally-ho and All That Jazz! Please; do pay a visit to the Funcom stand (it's pretty big this year -- you ought to be able to find it -- it's got the letters 'FUNCOM' all over it, conveniently enough) and say Hullo! Our code word will be 'YouAreMyPersonalGod', and please; say it loudly, so that I can hear you. I'll even let you buy me a pint of lager. (If I'm around, that is.) Point is, during E3 the veil will fall and the future will be as clear as really, really clear crystal. In other words, I'll be able to talk about the Secret Thingies.

Isn't life just brilliantly exciting sometimes?

Cheers.  ¶ 00:48